Memories of Wayward Hearts
by Soulofthepast
Summary: Sometimes love isn't perfect. First love isn't always a fairytale. Sometimes the people involved don't always have the right things to say or the right answers. If that's the case then how do these two teenagers handle first love?


A/N: Here is another one shot from the RW series. This is part of the Memories Series. This takes place **before **RW takes place but it can act as a standalone. For those of you who want to know how Ami and Makoto got together, this is how it happened. If you happen to have read the "Moments Spent Unglued" fiction I have posted then you will notice a few references to things and one of the moments exactly are from this fiction. You don't have to have read it to know what I mean since that moment had come from this fiction first. (One of the positive effects of having your entire universe planed out properly and working on a series of smaller fictions before making a main story. The interchangeable scenes are indeed helpful.) This is only a one shot.

I do not own Sailor Moon. I am merely a fan.

Song: Don't I Have a Heart.  
By: Wilkinsons

_Song lyrics will be in italics._  
Story will be normal.

* * *

Makoto was beside herself not knowing what to do. She messed up big time. Well, she wasn't even sure if she had messed up. She was so confused. First, her and her friends go watch Minako's volleyball game and then next thing she knows she's kissing one of her friends. That was all well and good; she hadn't been slapped so it had been good right? Wrong! So very, very wrong. Firstly this friend was female, and secondly after a few moments she ran away after just standing there expectantly. For what Makoto had no idea. Hell, she didn't even know why the kiss took place.

So, now a day and a half later with no answer to any phone calls she was standing at the apartment door. She knocked expectantly hoping that her friend would answer. She should have expected that it would be Saeko Mizuno. She really should have expected this, to have icy daggers glared her way. More so than she would like to admit, she just knew she did something wrong. What that something was, she had no idea. It must have been a big something.

_Hey Mrs. Smith is your daughter home  
Is she off the phone, I've been trying to call her  
Mrs. Smith I can't explain  
We were at the game  
And something happened_

Green emerald eyes looked like a deer caught in headlights. Fearful wasn't even close to a proper explanation. She didn't look well kept either. As if she had been out on the street. That really wasn't surprising. She was a girl used to living in less than a proper dwelling. Life had been a cruel teacher indeed for the girl before her. Perhaps that was why Saeko felt this sort of pity, if that was even a proper classification Saeko wasn't fully sure. Makoto looked ready to run, or to be hit. She wasn't looking in the best of sorts either way and Saeko wasn't one to just toss a wayward teen back on the streets. Especially not to one who had already been shown some of the most vindictive lessons life can show you at such an early age.

"Get in here and let's get you cleaned up." Her voice wasn't one of invitation, more like a motherly order. She wasn't fond of the situation; then again this girl attracted problematic circumstances more often than not. If she was going to complicate things, like now, it would be done full throttle with no breaks on. Never mind the fact that the preverbal training wheels most girls had and the guiding hand that helped to steer them were ripped away from her. No, that was one thing Makoto didn't have, grace, not now. Not at such a hard time in her life. She should have a mother there, but she didn't. It was a wonder she wasn't worse off than what she was in Saeko's eyes. Makoto sat in the kitchen chair as her cheek continued to swell. Her arm had a few scrapes and it had been clear she had picked a fight with someone. Not that that mattered at this point in time. What did matter was cleaning the cuts, take down the swelling, and find out what caused the mess in the first place. With the first aid kit out and at the ready she evened her voice. "Care to explain to me just what exactly happened?"

"We were at Minako's volleyball game. I went to get some things from the concession stand and she went with me." She stopped to wince as one of the longer scrapes stung while being disinfected. "I don't really know. I just. I don't even know how it happened. I keep asking how. And I don't know how. I don't even know why. I don't know!" Her voice was confused her eyes were downcast. Honestly the tough girl that looked as if she belonged to a gang looked like a puppy that had just been beaten with a stick and left whimpering in the corner.

"What don't you know?" Saeko pressed some gauze to the deeper wound that still lightly oozed blood. She sighed lightly finding it hard not to lose her cool. She was angry, but she was also concerned. Makoto was a brash girl yet she would never look quite like this. Fighting was normal, looking quite how she looked now was not. "Makoto." She started slowly as she washed her hands. Finding a clean cloth, she wet it down with cool water and held it to the girls' face to help calm the swelling being sure to pat away the dirt that had accumulated. "I know you kissed her. What I want to know from you is what in the world happened to cause it." The girl before her shrunk down and looked even more sheepish. "Moreover, I want to know what caused the aftermath."

_I took her hand and I stole a kiss  
I guess you know that I'm new at this_

"I don't know." Her eyes were confused and her voice was broken and scratchy. "If I knew then I wouldn't be looking like this would I? I hesitated. I don't know why I even kissed her in the first place! She doesn't need to get involved with my life. She doesn't belong in the street and that's all I can offer. How can I do that to her?"

"I think a better question is how you could do this to her now." Her voice was now softening. It was easy to see the confusion; they were both teenagers for crying out loud. "Look, I'm not asking you to have all of the answers. Lord knows you shouldn't be expected to know them." As she lowered the cloth from the swelling she took the time to notice that it wasn't as bad as it looked now that the area was clean. A sigh of relief found her features for that small luxury in a time like this. She found a dry soft cloth to dry the area and then placed an Ice pack in another clean cloth and handed it to Makoto who simply grimaced as she continued using a motherly voice. Stern but still very caring, she knew Makoto wasn't used to such a voice yet. "I do expect you to have a better retort than you simply not knowing though. So come on and get it over with. I know you better than to simply think you have no idea."

"I don't know!" Makoto said as she stood up from her chair pacing around the kitchen. "What? You think I just up and decided 'hmm I think I'll kiss a girl for the first time in my life' and then decide that it'll be Ami, don't you? You don't really think that. You wouldn't really think that. I am an idiot. I messed up, no duh class, we know this. What I don't know is what I did wrong in the first place. Was it the kiss? Was it the fact I had no idea what to say after? If you happen to know tell me because I don't have an idea what to think!" Her tangent carried on in a flood and Saeko was caught in yet another emotional whirlwind. It was funny how much of the same things would protrude from Makoto's mouth that Ami had already said the prior night.

_Don't I have a heart  
Don't I have two arms  
This can't all be imagination  
Tell me how you know  
When true love really starts  
I don't have a clue  
But don't I have a heart_

"Ok, so let's say that this entire thing is what it is or isn't." Makoto was talking gibberish. She was highly upset after all. "Let's leave it at this kiss. Did she freak out because I kissed her? Would she really freak out at the prospect of lesbianism?" Her pace stopped for a moment sending a questioning glance at Saeko who kept quiet. "What did she want? I'm good enough right? Am I not? Well perfect, I know that, or else I knew that." One of the many joys of dealing with Makoto. The girl wasn't exactly the easiest to deal with when upset. "I should have known. I should have known I wasn't good enough. Who wants a street kid like me when she could have anyone in school she wants." Makoto sat back down but continued her random prattling.

"I bet she likes Rei. Rei would take care of her." What was this? Now Makoto was downgrading herself. What is it with teens and doing that to themselves still eluded Saeko even if she knew she had done that herself at one point in life. "Rei would do well. They complement each other well. Maybe she wants Minako. She may be flighty and all, but she has a big heart. Darn it, maybe she really is straighter than a board." The brunette continued annoyed. "Why didn't Ami stop me? Why did she just stare and then run." Her eyes watered lightly in frustration as she rambled puzzled. "I'm so lost in all of this. Can she love me? Does she? What the heck is love anyway? Why am I still here? Why am I even asking all of these stupid questions?"

"Funny. You cast yourself aside even after she accepted the first kiss so willingly." Saeko said offhandedly. "Besides that, I want you to think of it this way; you don't know what Ami thinks." Her words were softly spoken as she continued. "Do you really think those things? Firstly, yes, you are brash. You don't know what a life with a family is. You need to learn that, but I can't cast a fault on you for that. Secondly, you can be like Rei in those respects when it comes to my daughter. You can also be as reckless as Minako, or dare I say her cousin Haruka, but I digress that for now. Thirdly I can assure you that Ami is not 'straighter than a board' as you seem to put it. The fact she came home as frazzled as you are right now proves this."

"What do you mean frazzled?" Makoto jumped up worried at the idea of what she may have put Ami through. Her eyes showed panic, remorse, confusion, and a small glimmer one could only call hope among the other emotions that seem to entrap her.

"Yes frazzled." Saeko said as she remained seated her voice didn't show any signs of change and Makoto took her seat again. "I'll admit at first I was shocked. I wasn't overly sure what to think about all of this, but, the fact she's in her room now shut out from the world proves to me there was more to this than simply her being homophobic. I would even have the audacity to guess she feels like you do now." Saeko recounted the events of that inauspicious night.

_Mrs. Smith do you really mean it  
I can't believe it, she said that too  
You both stayed up until way past one  
No homework done and she said to you  
He stole a kiss and I looked at him  
But he didn't even try again_

"You went to the concession stand like you say. I know this to be true. From there you picked up the drinks for the others among other things. Waiting for your order you two found yourself speaking about a topic unrelated to anything, and from there it went into Minako's sexuality. Am I correct so far?" After she received a nod in agreement she continued. "It was only a test she told me, but, I tend to think it was more than simply testing the waters. You two never exactly knew what personal space was, let alone the fact that the body language between you two, although clueless, is rather affectionate. Personally the word 'test' holds no actual grounds in what I think she was feeling. Or you for that matter if one would take in your appearance."

That admission dumbfounded Makoto into a silence for a moment. She wasn't sure what to think about that one. She was being called out. Normally this would have started a brawl. This time she sat inaudibly not sure what to say or how to retort as Saeko continued forward. "She said after the apparent kiss, with which she was extremely imprecise with describing to me might I just add," She paused to glair at that point to accentuate her point "you both froze when you heard Minako laughing at the ordeal good-naturedly. You seemed to panic and she ran because she seemed to think that she messed up someplace."

"You've gotta be joking." Makoto said as she hit herself in the head. "Stupid, stupid, stupid!" She felt guilty, and like an idiot. It would have been highly comical had it not been Ami who was being affected directly. "I'm such an idiot!"

"Give it time." Saeko said with an air of uncertainty in her voice. "You go home for a while. Perhaps talk with Zoisite. I need time to digest things. All situations considered I think she needs time. You do too. Come back later. That's all I can say." Makoto walked back home down the city streets as Saeko took a deep breath and entered into Ami's bedroom where the afore mentioned teen had her face still buried into the nearest pillow.

"Are you going to allow yourself to see the light of day any time soon? Or did you suddenly want to grow mushrooms for a living?" The joke was responded to with a groan and a muffled response along the lines of 'what does it matter anyway.' At least that's how it had sounded with the adolescent speaking into her pillow. Saeko rolled her eyes and opened the blinds as Ami shoved her head further under the covers.

"Let me grow my 'mushrooms' in peace." Ami whined from under the covers. She was being rude and she knew it. She just didn't care at the moment. With tear stained eyes and dark circles that proved how little sleep the girl was actually getting she looked no better than Makoto had. She could hear humming that could only come from her mother as the covers were somehow being stolen from her grasp. "Pardon me for being a petulant child, but…GO AWAY!" Her shouting as well as the fight for her covers back had certainly caught Saeko off guard. Ami snapped up only for a moment closing the blinds encasing the room in darkness again as she found her bed hiding from all that was around her. She was hurting, she missed Makoto. What would she say, what would she do? She didn't know. She couldn't get the will to leave her bedroom let along talk to the girl she had allowed to kiss her.

"Well, if you are so insistent on being a hermit from the rest of your existence could you at least tolerating talking to me one more time. Before I leave you alone for your eternity under those blankets would be preferable." Her tone was soft, but the hidden mockery laced in the words didn't escape Ami's ears.

_Momma don't I have a heart_  
_Don't I have two arms_  
_This can't all be imagination_  
_Tell me how you know_  
_When true love really starts_  
_I don't have a clue_  
_But don't I have a heart_

"What do you want me to tell you?" She said sticking her head out from herself imposed blanket dome. "That I feel like a dimwit? Worthless? That I may have hurt her more than I could ever hurt myself? I've already spilled my guts to you in every why I know how." Her voice started cracking and losing strength. "I don't know what to tell you."

"You don't have to say anything to me." The elder Mizuno said softly as she took a sea to the side of the bed. "Makoto's worried about you. Even more than that, she looked about just as upset as you do right now. Never mind the fact she seemed to pick a fight with someone." She paused for a moment to think back to her chat with Makoto. "All I want to know is if you want me to send her home next time she comes over? Or do I come and get you? I can't force anything on you. I just thought you should know that she had come by."

"I look horrible. I feel even worse." Ami said as she put her face back into the pillow. "Why would Makoto want to speak to me anyway?" She sniffled a bit as she felt Saeko rub her back, the older woman sighing at her daughter. "What did I do wrong?"

"It's not what you have, or haven't done." Saeko explained. "Ami, it's called first love for a reason. If we knew what we were doing it wouldn't be our first time now would it?" Ami shrugged at that. "Alright, think of me and your father." It was an unpleasant topic, she knew that, but she was hoping it would prove helpful. "He wasn't my first love. I still managed to mess it up, but as you know it wasn't the end of the world. You're still here aren't you, and your brother?" When Ami wordlessly nodded Saeko again sighed. She could see her daughter was crying again. Score number infinity for raging teenaged hormones. "Then why is it that you think the world is going to end now?"

"I don't know." Ami's said as her voice hitched weekly. She had lost track at how many times she had shed tears over this. "This is so beyond the point of wrong. She's a girl and I'm a girl and dad's going to hate me even more now. Makoto was displeased about something. She even tried to hide it. As if she was ashamed of me. How can she even care about me?"

"And now the truth comes out." Saeko sighed finally happy that was now out in the open. "Ok, first off let's deal with your thoughts on your father. He doesn't hate you. He never hated you, although he's not the smartest man in the world, and slightly bigoted, he's not that dense Ami. We could see you growing up." She paused in her speech. "About Makoto…don't worry about your father or your brother in regards to her. Worry about you. Worry about what you want to do. You don't answer to your dad, you answer to me. If he does want to blame someone it will be me, just like it's always been. You're his little girl and he's always thought the world of you. It's me he has problems with." She couldn't have an answer regarding Makoto. She hadn't ever dated a woman before. This idea was as new to her as it was to Ami. "I can't tell you if this is a good idea or not. I don't know about women dating other women. I can give you a scientific answer, but that won't fix this situation. If you want to date her just take it slow. You're both new to this and it seems like your both afraid of it."

_Hey Mrs. Smith I hope I'm not out of place  
Please go get her gotta tell her face to face_

Later that night Makoto came back with Zoisite at her side looking exasperated. Saeko looked the taller girl. "She's in her room, go talk to her." Saeko sighed defeated watching Makoto rush off in that direction as Zoisite rolled his eyes. "It may be a while, want something to drink while we wait?" She offered to the eldest in the Kino family, and the only one left able to care for Makoto. Granted the man was barely an adult himself. She could swear it was children raising children. He nodded his thanks and off to the kitchen they went to sit and wait.

Meanwhile in Ami's room Makoto was frozen in shock when she saw the look in Ami's eyes. She caused that pain, she caused that confusion. She had hurt Ami. Needless to say that admission was like stabbing a knife through her very own heart and it still wouldn't have been the best description. "Oh my god." Her voice was a hoarse whisper. "Ami." Fragmented words came to mind but none seemed to fit. She went over to the bed Ami was laying on in haste, the smaller girl had moved. She hadn't said a word. Makoto pulled the girl into an embrace, Emerald eyes hardening and then breaking as tears started to flow from what she had done.

_Don't I have a heart  
Don't I have two arms  
This can't all be imagination  
Tell me how you know  
When true love really starts  
I don't have a clue  
But don't I have a heart_

"Ami I'm sorry." Her voice was rushed. Her mind wasn't thinking clearly seeing the smaller girl like this. "I really am." She could feel Ami burying her face into her as two slender arms wrapped around Makoto's back. No more words were said as both sat speechless. Neither really knew what to say. I love you would be too much too soon. I care for you? No, that is what a friend would say. What were they? Lovers? No, they weren't' even close. Best friends? No, that sounded too closeted and too far removed from the reality of the situation. There wasn't a word for this. Makoto couldn't really say much. Should she say anything at all? Well, she should. Someone had to say something sooner or later. Finally she settled on something to say. "I'm here now. We're both right where we should be now." It wasn't much. It wasn't the confession of a lifetime nor was it a rejection. It just was. Ami had accepted that it seemed as she nodded wordlessly as her hold tightened.

----Three weeks later---

"She's so infuriating!" Ami yelled as she slammed down the phone.  
"Lovers spat?" Saeko asked from the kitchen as she chopped vegetables.  
"More like Makoto's an idiot!" Ami was beyond the point of angry. My, teenagers had quite a temperament when they wanted to have one. "She's smoking!"  
"I thought she had been smoking for a while." Saeko sighed. She didn't like the habit, but with Makoto it was just one of many issues to work through slowly.  
"Yeah, but I caught her with a cigar in her mouth today!" Ami's voice was somewhat shrill at that before she calmed down slightly. "I swear she's going to kill herself."  
"You leave her smoking to me." Saeko had been quite annoyed by that habit enough as well. Makoto was hard to handle though, even on her best of days. To get her to break an addiction wasn't going to be easy. "I'll get her to quit even if it kills me. It won't be the first time I've had to deal with this." Saeko thought back to her son Jadeite and his inability to listen. Talk about a troublesome boy. It wasn't her fault that his father let him do whatever he wanted. He may have started back up now that he wasn't under her rules but Makoto was an easier target.

_(Momma) Don't I have a heart_  
_Don't I have two arms_  
_This can't all be imagination_  
_Tell me how you know_  
_When true love really starts_  
_I don't have a clue_  
_But don't I have a heart_

"She's such a rebel." Ami complained as her mother nodded only half listening to her daughter vent off frustration. This was a common occurrence. "Why can't she keep out of trouble for more than a day?" First it had been stopping the hot head from fighting. Then it was dealing with her less than pleasant way of dealing with what people felt about their sexuality and in effect their relationship. The fact that she had been suspended from school wasn't helpful either. Now it was cigar smoking that was under Ami's skin. Not that all of these things weren't warranted to some degrees. Ami just hadn't realized she could be just as difficult in other respects.

"I don't know." Saeko laughed amused. "Why are you still with her if she drives you up the wall so much?" Ami just scoffed at that. "You're just as bad. She's such a bad influence on you." Saeko had noticed Ami had begun to get a stubborn streak…not that Saeko didn't have one herself, but that had been different. "Care to explain to me how that ended up in your hamper?" Saeko asked pointing the knife she was using in the direction of the laundry basket. "As far as I can tell, you aren't a D cup."

"MOTHER!" Ami gawked. "Take that smirk off your face. We haven't done anything."  
"Oh, so you mean that just ended up in your room magically without anyone wearing it?" Saeko asked innocently.  
"No. that's not what I mean." Ami was starting to turn red from embarrassment and annoyance. "We just don't do anything like that."  
"Do you really expect to believe you two haven't had sex yet when Makoto's underwear is just floating around in your room?" Saeko had decided it was fun to cause trouble.  
"Yes a do." Ami shot back. "We're both virgins!" she was really starting to think her mother was spending too much time with Minako's mother.  
"Well perhaps Makoto should fix that." Saeko smirked. "Then perhaps you won't be so uppity." Yes, too much time indeed.  
"You're so horrible." Ami said as she pretended her mother didn't just say that. "New subject please…one not Makoto related."At that time the doorbell rang and Ami left promptly to answer it. There stood Makoto again looking sheepish and somewhat like her foot had been shoved in her mouth.

_Show me your heart._

"I'm here." The taller girls said softly. I'm sorry." Her eyes really meant it. She was sorry for upsetting Ami and they both knew it.  
"You'll always be here." Ami said as she embraced the girl before her. "I just wish you wouldn't do reckless things."

As the exchange continued Saeko walked away from the wall she had been hiding behind in the kitchen to resume cooking. Her mind wondered back to a day in the café. It was ironically it was only a few days before the volleyball game took place when she had noticed things were getting far too friendly between the girls. She had gone to talk to him. Remembering back there were a lot of things she hadn't known about. She still remembered that day. What she had learned was barely a drop in the bucket to what she knew now.

"I was surprised too when I found out." Zoisite said as he sat with Saeko in the café. "Even so, I'm glad."  
"How can you be happy?" Saeko drilled annoyed with Zoisite and his lack of control. "She's getting into fights in school and all you seem to do is let it happen."  
"She's pulling through." He said simply as he sighed. "That's all I can ask for anymore. Her life hasn't been easy."  
"That's no excuse. Where are your parents?" Saeko didn't understand. That was the problem. It was always the problem.  
"She doesn't have any." He was matter of fact and to the point. His eyes proved that to be true. "We lost them a long time ago."  
"Don't you have anyone?" Saeko was frozen. She had never seen a thing like this pulled off before.  
"No." He answered again ashamed. "I'm all she has. Pathetic, isn't it. I can't raise her, but foster homes aren't doing any good. She's always had to raise herself."  
"I'm sorry." Saeko felt guilty. Sure, she wasn't parent of the year, but she had been there when Ami needed her most.  
"That's why I can't fault her. She only knows street life. I can try to guide her all I want. But what good would it do? I'm not our dad and I won't try to be. They'll just need to muck through it."  
"And what if they can't?" Saeko felt lost by that one. "Ami's not a fighter and I don't want to be."  
"No, she won't be." Zoisite knew the worries she had. "This is what they want and I won't deny them the choice. Ami for whatever reason has feelings for Makoto."  
"And you're simply alright with that?" Saeko was astounded to how little seemed to phase this young man.  
"Yes." He nodded. "I'm perfectly fine with it, and if they do have problems that's what you and I are to be here for. That is the job of a parent, am I right?"

He had been right about the entire thing all along. 'Looks like they'll muck through It.' with that thought safely in her mind she thought how dinner could accommodate two more people. The people who had recently become a part of the family in ways not often seen, one was like a sergeant son to Saeko and a brother-in-law to Ami when it came to looking out for her wellbeing. The other was a brash girl standing in the door who was a constant pain in the butt. She never listened to reason, often got into trouble, and had a magical way of really making Ami angry, upset, and over all just unglued. It was odd to most people that Saeko even allowed this. Often these people claimed that Ami was going through a phase. Saeko knew better though, this wasn't a phase; it was the early stages of a relationship. One that had a chance to last with the right people giving support. People like her, and Makoto's brother Zoisite.

End-

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Tell me what you think. Read and Review. Thank you for your time.


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